


This is Not My Heart

by ughaghost



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Pre-Relationship, as do open relationships, basically just no stripy shit guy, because polyamory exists, let's just assumer jac and her husband have an understanding, only jac and jane having feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 14:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15121736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughaghost/pseuds/ughaghost
Summary: Jacqueline didn't rehire Jane at Scarlet but that doesn't mean they're out of each others lives completely. Or thoughts for that matter.During ep 204 when the girls are all at the same club for different dramatic reasons. Mostly canon compliant except there's no stripy shirt douchebag just Jane being bad at failure and needing someone while her friends are wrapped up in their own stuff. And we know who is always there for Jane when she's at her lowest...





	This is Not My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I can't even believe I actually finished something. This is a miracle. I don't know if I got Jac's voice right in this fic. I write a lot of pairings with similar dynamics but the problem here is that Jacqueline is just too nice. I'm not used to writing nice older women lol. So I'm sorry if it doesn't sound like her.

What she didn’t say during that terrible interview, was that she missed her. So fucking much, more than she thought possible. They weren’t really anything to each other. Something near friends maybe. Jane knew Jacqueline cared about her...or at least she thought she did. She took time out to teach her things, she listened to Jane whining about whatever issues she was having.

 

What she felt for Jacqueline was more than that though. More complicated than friendship. More than just admiration for a successful older woman. She remembers this feeling from university. Professor Lindsey Grant, from her one social sciences elective. She always made Jane desperate to be noticed, eager to impress (not that that was in any way unusual). She’d come back from her classes so full of restless energy, she could barely sit still. She’d focus on her assignment, put her all into it, reread it 20 times. When she handed it in she waited on tenterhooks to hear back about it. Whether Professor Grant thought it stood out in comparison to her innumerable other students.

 

Jacqueline made her feel like that. Full of energy and drive, desperate to be noticed. It wasn’t until recently, this week without her, she’d started to really think about what it meant? And now was totally not the time to have a crisis about her sexuality, on top of everything going on with her career. 

 

As she sat on her way home from a trainwreck of a job interview she decided what she really needed was to stop thinking for a while. 

 

She needed a drink.

 

\-----

 

Spotting Jane at the club filled Jacqueline with mild relief. She’d been worried about the girl ever since their conversation the week before. She knew Jane would take it hard but she couldn’t justify rehiring her to herself. Jane needed to learn from this, and how would she if she was immediately saved from the consequences of her decision. It’s not as if she wanted to her leave Scarlet. She knew Jane had talent, which she’d hoped to nourish for years to come. She’d wanted to be there as Jane came into her own and became everything she thought she could be. And she still wanted that despite Jane leaving, because she was special and Jacqueline knew it.

 

But Jane was hurt and she figured it was best to give her space while she figured out what to do next. Seeing her now she was starting to think that was a bad idea.

 

“Hello, Jane.” Jacqueline slid onto the stool beside Jane’s cautiously. She cast a glance over the empty shot glasses lined up next Jane and her hunched shoulders, and knew immediately this wasn’t likely to go well.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” Jane grunted. She’d never heard that tone from her before. She loathed it.

 

“Having fun?”

 

“As if you care.” 

 

Again that tone, it cut at her though she wouldn’t show it. “Of course I care, Jane,” she sighed.

 

“My life’s a mess,” Jane snickered bitterly, “and my apartment is spotless.” She finally looked up from her 6th shot and met Jacqueline’s eyes, her own bloodshot and hard. “I had an interview today. It was going fine, until he placed where he knew me from. Seems all I am to anyone is that Insight debacle. My name is ruined.”

 

“You just have to give it some time, it will blow over. Your career is just starting Jane.” She patted Jane’s arm in a failed attempt to be reassuring.

 

“Time? I don’t have time. Do you understand how expensive it is to live in New York City for a normal person? I can barely pay this months rent. At this rate I’ll be forced to take some awful food service job just to avoid begging my parents for money. Maybe I should just go home?” Jane slumped even further, her forehead hitting the bar.

 

Jacqueline huffed. Obviously Jane was taking this harder than she’d thought she would, but she needed to suck it up. She was so much better than this, couldn’t she see that?  “Aren’t you being a little dramatic, It’s only been a week? Are you really going to give up on your dream after this minor setback?” 

 

“This ISN’T MINOR! I’m a laughing stock!” Jane hissed, her words slurring further in her fury. It might seem like nothing to you but writing means EVERYTHING to me! You should get that. I thought you’d understand, I thought you’d help but instead, you just...sent me away.” 

 

And suddenly Jane was crying and it was even harder to face than her anger. “I don’t know what to do Jacqueline? I don’t know how to fix this? I need you, but you won’t take me back. I don’t know what to do?”

 

She could barely make out Jane's words through her tears, she’d worked herself into such  hysteria. But what she caught she couldn't properly examine just then, despite muddled feelings swelling inside her. 

 

She rubbed a hand down Jane’s back to calm her. “Where are Sutton and Adena? You shouldn't be alone right now.” 

 

Jane waved a hand vaguely. “Sutton is networking with some trendsetter. And Adena has girlfriend drama. They don't have time to deal with my shit.” 

 

“I very much doubt they wouldn't drop everything for you, if they knew you were this upset.” 

 

In all the time the girls has been working at Scarlet, that is the thing she’d most envied and loved about them. Their friendship was supportive and made them all better women and better at their jobs. She’d never had that when she’d started out. Publishing was a boys club, she couldn’t trust anyone to have her back. There were few women and their support was conditional, everyone was fighting for respect, there was little room friendship. Sometimes the thing she proudest of, is that she’s made Scarlet both the business and the magazine, a safe space for women to support and uplift other women.

 

Jane sniffed and nodded in acknowledgement. “I wasn't this bad before all the shots.” She blinked at Jacqueline sheepishly. 

 

“I bet,” Jacqueline chuckled softly. “Can I offer you a ride home?”

 

Jane frowned. “You don't have to do that. I can get an uber.” She fumbled with her phone briefly until Jacqueline took it from her shaking hands.

 

“I insist.” She stared into Jane’s eyes, she wouldn’t back down on this..

 

“Okay.” 

 

She called her car service before collecting Jane’s coat and bundling a blushing Jane into it. They slid into the spacious backseat of the town car in silence. Instead of sliding over Jane clung to her arm, pressing her face into her shoulder. Jacqueline didn't comment, putting it down to drunkeness. She ran a hand through Jane’s hair, she groaned in pleasure. 

 

She couldn't think about this, any of it. Jacqueline knew they were crossing a line they shouldn't be. This was...intimate in some unquantifiable way. Much like Jane’s words earlier at the bar she knew she couldn't afford to think about it now. Then she’d have to stop it, and after a week without even a glimpse of Jane, that was the last thing she wanted to do. 

 

They arrived at Jane’s address and she removed herself from Jacqueline's grasp with a reluctant sigh.

 

“Thanks for the ride.” Jane sent her a soft smile before exiting the car and making her slow and shaky way towards the buildings entrance.

 

Jacqueline watched her for a moment, knowing she shouldn't walk her up, shouldn't be in a space alone with her at the moment. But God forbid she fell in her drunken state and cracked her head open.

 

She rolled down the divider. “Wait here please George, I'll be right back.”

 

“Sure thing Mrs.Carlyle.” 

 

She moved hastily from the car making her way to a still visible slowly shuffling Jane. She looped an arm around her, Jane gasped and attempted to pull away. “Let me walk you up.” 

 

Jane relaxed into her immediately. “That might be a good idea.”

 

Upon entering her apartment Jane threw her jacket on the floor, kicked her heels off haphazardly and collapsed into the couch. 

 

Unable to restrain herself Jacqueline took a look around. It was her first time in Jane’s home after all. Jane hadn't exaggerated when she said her apartment was spotless. A decent size considering Jane’s salary (or current lack of one and yes she did feel some guilt about that despite herself). After a quick perusal, She looked through the kitchen cupboards until she found Jane’s glasses. Filling one, she walked back over to Jane’s crumpled form and shook her gently. Her eyes fluttered open with a groan.

 

“Drink.” Jane took the glass. “Do you have aspirin?”

 

“In the medicine cabinet. But I can-”

 

She collected the bottle swiftly and returned to find Jane obediently drinking her water.

 

“Do you think you can make it to your bed now?”

 

Finishing the last of her water, Jane placed the glass on the coffee table and slumped back into the couch. “I'll just sleep here. I'm comfy.”

 

She debated arguing but decided to leave the girl where she lay. “Okay. Goodnight Jane.” She hesitated, gazing at Jane fondly before turning to leave but a hand on her wrist stopped her. She was tugged back around and suddenly felt Jane’s lips against hers. 

 

The kiss was sloppy and over almost as soon it began. It was hard to tell who was more shocked. Jane’s face was pale, her eyes wide in horror.

 

“I-I'm sorry I...I’m so sorry.” 

 

Jane turned and fled down the hall before Jacqueline could even react. She hadn't moved since Jane’s lips connected with hers. Shaking her head, she cast a final look at Jane's closed door before exiting her apartment. 

 

Back in the car everything that had taken place that night overwhelmed her. Jacqueline put a finger to lips, remembering Jane’s against them. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so stirred by a simple kiss. She was in so much trouble and she knew it. There was only one option, one way to stop this before it went any farther. But could she stay away from Jane or was it already too late?

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably garbage but really I just desperately needed something to help me break through writer's block and this was the thing that finally did it.
> 
> I guess you can send me prompts or yell at me about JacandJane on tumblr @annalisequeer-ing and on twitter @ughaghost


End file.
